My beautifully unique child - there's room for you

I have a 9 year-old boy. When I was pregnant, I wished for a boy. I saw myself in the stands at Little League games, rooting for the sweet kid with freckles and a lopsided baseball cap. A tomboy myself, I couldn’t relate to ballet, pink, tea-parties, Barbie and ponies, and just felt a son would suit me best. As luck would have it, on a sunny June day my little guy arrived in this world. A million thoughts swirled in my head as we began his journey, but none of them prepared me for who he’d really be…

My son’s favorite animal is a peacock. If you’ve been lucky enough to see one of these magical creatures in person, you know the flare of their plumes is nothing short of spectacular. The blues -- the greens -- the purples -- their majesty -- their gorgeousness. There’s not likely a one of us who’d try and change this animal’s colors. It’s ironic, if not fated, that he idolizes this bird. He, too, displays a peacock’s brilliance but it can be difficult in what may appear to be a homogenous sea of ‘pigeons’ and ‘seagulls’.

Photo credit: AlexeyVis

I live near Lake Tahoe where boys are revered for their prowess in soccer, football, lacrosse and, of course, skiing. None of these, beyond skiing (and rock climbing), has genuinely interested my son. We’ve enthusiastically put him on the soccer field, clad him in head-to-toe lacrosse gear, only to hear his teary-eyed pleas to let him quit after only one season, sometimes only one practice. We believe firmly in sticking with your commitments, but it was glaringly obvious we were trying to fit a circle into a square, and for whom -- him, or us?? So over the years we’ve set aside any visions of who we thought he’d be and instead let him guide us on what makes his engine rev. It’s been an interesting and exciting discovery…

· At age 5 he came home one day and said “I want to learn the violin”. Dumfounded, my husband and I, neither of us string players, or certain of where this request came from, said ok, you can give it a whirl. Never did we imagine he’d be on year 4 of violin and that his love of the instrument would lead him to take up the cello, too.

· At age 8 he mentioned that he’d like to try out for the school play, Seussical. The first, silently-in-my-head reaction was nooooo, there are pretty much 0 boys at your school who participate in theater. It’s an unspoken no-no, and a pursuit (sadly) dog-eared for girls. But, remembering his beloved peacock, we said alright, (let’s honor your colors) and give this a go. Two years later, he’s earned bigger and bigger roles in every production -- he’s currently playing Piglet in Winnie the Pooh. He even scored the top male role in the 4th grade play, as Daniel Boone. He’s enthusiastically learned all his lines and his musical solo is breathtaking (I had no idea my child had such a lovely singing voice until theater gave him the confidence, and stage, on which to unveil it).

· Since he could hold a crayon, my kid has had a deep passion for art. Whether it’s coloring, sketching, painting or sculpting, he’s all in! We have a wall dedicated entirely to his ‘art gallery’, overlapping with colorful masterpieces; he’s attended art camp every summer since kindergarten. He won his first art contest at age 4 and another just last year.

· Since my son started school he’s preferred to play with girls. In the early years it was no big deal—it seemed young children could mix and mingle with no stigma around pal gender. Lately, it’s become more of a struggle. He finds himself divided on the playground—feeling the draw to cultivate more guy-friendships, but still favoring the company of ladies. He doesn’t compare notes on American Girl dolls with these friends, he’s playing tag, swing n’ launch and Hot Lava Monster, but it still leaves head-scratch moments with some buddies.

· He wears jeans everyday when most guys wear basketball shorts. He likes to wear polo shirts - oftentimes buttoned to the top - and colorful flannels, when most dudes dawn logowear from their favorite sports team, or hoodies with trucker hats.

This may all seem well and good, but in our traditional mountain town, most guys are diving deeper into sports while the divide between my boy and them grows deeper. He’s started to hear comments about being ‘strange’ and sees boys shy away from him simply because he beats to a different drum. I pray kids will go easy on him in the years to come and realize what a great person he is, rather than exclude him because his interests aren’t exactly commonplace.

I’ve warned my son that a divide is coming—that time where girls split off with girls, and guys with guys. I’ve been supportive of whomever he chooses to friend, noting that what’s most important is that he has pals to count on, who make him feel accepted and valued, but the divide will be here soon enough, if it hasn’t begun already. I fear he’ll be in a lonely, awkward space when that separation arrives. He gets this and feebly tries to steer a new course, but he always seems to come back to his female safe-harbor.

What we see now certainly isn’t a fluke, we’re well-aware it’s likely an indicator of what’s to come, and who he really is. While we could strong-arm him into blending more, we simply won’t do it. We want to honor him, just as he perfectly is, and let that flower unfold. We don’t want to extinguish the dragonfly’s light that twinkles so brilliantly, so brightly, so proudly within him. And most importantly, we want him to be himself, to be happy!!

So, my not-super-sporty, musical, thespian, artistic, preppy kid… when those pigeons and seagulls tease you about your uniqueness – JUST OWN IT! Take heart that their talents and interests aren’t a single stitch more worthwhile than yours. Take heart that their adeptness on the field is akin to yours in the concert hall, on the stage or bouldering wall. Remember that a world of all the same would be a dull world indeed. Celebrate your strength to go your own way. Celebrate that you know and honor you, it’s a pursuit countless adults have yet to master.

I love and adore my freckle-faced baby, and you dazzle in a ball-cap. I thank you for fanning your magnificent feathers and hope you’ll always remember the brilliant words of Dr. Seuss: ‘why fit in when you were born to stand out!’. And in the same breath, I’ll keep remembering these words.